Unforeseen Struggle

I'm not really sure where to start this post, but I have this nagging feeling that I need to write something.


Although Risden is by far the best thing that has ever happened to Judd and I, I want to be honest in sharing that this road has not been easy.  It's so simple to post adorable pictures of him on Facebook and let the world assume that this parenting stuff is a walk in the park.  Coming into parenting, I figured that of all people, I was surely cut out for this, and because of my motherly instinct, it really would be a walk in the park.

The sleep stuff was (and still is) hard.  Thank goodness we have made some real progress in this house, otherwise I think I would be on the verge of insanity (haha, laughing, but sort of crying).  After trying numerous combinations of different routines, etc, we finally found something that is working for us.  It is important for me to remember that this is working for us, now, but it may not work forever, and it may not work for anyone else.  Because I was afraid of not answering Risden's cry's when he was hungry for the first few  months, I would feed him on-demand, around the clock.  This resulted in him wanting to "snack" every 1-2 hours.  Because he was getting such small, frequent meals throughout the day (and my body was set-up to supply him with these small bursts), he could only go up to 4 hours at night between feedings.

After discussing our situation with Judd's mom (who conveniently happens to be a lactation specialist!) and his cousin who has tons of experience in sleep training, we came to a possible solution.  Last week I started pumping after every feeding, to build up a small supply, up to 5oz of breast milk that I would feed Risden right before bed, after he nursed.  Jackpot.  The first night he slept a remarkable 9 and a half hours!  It seems that something in his brain clicked and he realized he could sleep this long, because since then he has slept anywhere from a 7-12 hour stretch at night, only waking for one feeding between 3 and 5 and then sleeping until 7:30 or 8:30.  Coming from the baby that seemed starving every 2-4 hours, this is huge.

I also do believe that a large reason he is able to stay in his crib, happy, for these long stretches is because of how adamant Judd and I have been on teaching him to fall asleep in his crib.  Of all the sleep books out there (there are a lot, and it is very overwhelming), we believe Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth, M.D. to be one of the best.  This book teaches to look for your baby's sleepy signs and get them to their crib within a small window.  It is important to establish a sleep routine, so that your baby starts to recognize that when certain things happen, it is time for sleep (i.e. turning on a sound machine, closing the blinds, swaddling, rocking, etc).  He also emphasizes how important it is to put your baby down drowsy, but not asleep.  This way the baby starts to recognize that their crib is where they fall asleep, and that they will not be startled or scared when they wake up here in the middle of the night.  I guarantee Risden wakes up more than a few times in the middle of the night (sometimes we hear him make a few quick cries), but he almost always falls back to sleep on his own.  His ability to self sooth is priceless and worth all of the hard up-front work.

Ironically I started this post earlier today and I now am sitting down to finish it, a few hours after we finally got Risden to bed.  I say finally because tonight, unlike every other night for the past few weeks, Risden woke up frantically crying an hour after we put him down.  After both Judd and I tried to sooth him for over an hour, he finally went down for good, but not without me losing all confidence I had in having figured out his sleep patterns.  Tonight reminds me of a very important lesson I am currently learning in parenting - I need to be careful to never become proud and think I have all the answers.  Just two weeks ago when I felt like we had hit rock bottom with the sleep-stuff, I was ready to pick a fight with anyone who told me their baby was sleeping through the night.  And now, suddenly I find myself on the other side of the fence (or at least for now).  After so much hard work, my first reaction is to celebrate and sing from the top of a mountain.  But I have to hold back, because a) I do NOT have it all figured out, even if a few days make me feel as if I could possibly, and b) I do not want to be insensitive to other hard-working parents who find themselves in a similar position to where I was just a few days ago (and undoubtedly will be many more times over).

This parenting stuff is hard because there is not one way to do things.  And something what works flawlessly for one family will probably not work for another.  Every baby is different, even if all of the books try to paint them the same.  And, every parenting style is different and I want to respect and appreciate this.  I have found myself comparing Risden to other babies, and the things Judd and I do, to other parents.  I am reminded of the phrase "comparison is thief of joy" and this statement could not be more true.  I want to find myself in community rather than competition.  I had no idea coming into motherhood that these things would ever cross my mind, but here they have.  Ahh, and so I fight on for a more tender heart and to compare less.

And I thought I would throw in an adorable picture anyway...